I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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