I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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