i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The beer is more important than you right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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