All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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