Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
