I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
