Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
