I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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