Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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