wakey wakey hands off snakey
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
