Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
