Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
