The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
