I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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