I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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