When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
