i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
