So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sarcasm needs its own font
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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