is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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