Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
