all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
