How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
