she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
