And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
