We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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