It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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