I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
