Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
