I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
