Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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