You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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