dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
