No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
