i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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