When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
