I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize