Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
