he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
