If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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