Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize