I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
