somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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