Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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