she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
