why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
