That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
