Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
