How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
