I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
