dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
