the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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