My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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