That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
