3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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