I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
