Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize