Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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