Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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