Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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