I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my poor anus
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
