Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
