shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
