The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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