This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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