and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
