im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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