When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
