Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
