if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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