The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
