That's intense
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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