and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
