what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
