i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
