i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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