Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
