My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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