low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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