Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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