You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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