As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
