Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
