Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
