she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
