I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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