I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
