I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
