I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
