Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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