I'm gonna have a badass scar
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
