Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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