Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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