Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
