Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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