Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
