i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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