I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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