My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
