If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
