Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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