my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
