First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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