I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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