I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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