He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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