i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
