its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
