my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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